Does Liquid Diamond Work?

The Claim
"Is waxing your car too much work? You rub, and buff, and still have white stuff! Everywhere!" Simoniz's Liquid Diamond (also sold by Simoniz as Instant Shine) resists mud, tar, and "on a hot day, an egg just rolls away." As flames dance along the car's hood, announcer Billy Mays says "not even fire" can penetrate its brilliant shine. "The fastest, most durable shine ever put in a bottle!"
The Test
We retrieved an old taxi trunk top from a New Jersey scrap yard and cleaned it up. Then, we soiled the yellow metal with mud, a raw egg, and made multiple attempts to set it on fire.
The Verdict
Advances in clear coats and wax have surpassed the "wax on, wax off" tedium of a carnauba coat. For a sterling finish without the work, skip the Liquid Diamond; try a combination "wash and wax" soap. Dry it (mostly) with the Shamwow!
The Details
The years hadn't been kind to the old taxi's trunk, and when we got it home from the junkyard, the Liquid Diamond did a fine job bringing back the hack's golden glory. It was a beautiful afternoon in Maplewood, N.J., and we admired our lab coats reflecting against clear blue sky. Maybe it was the intoxicating scent of the Liquid Diamond—the spicy blend of cinnamon and chemicals reminded us of a Cracker Barrel Country Store. This idyllic moment, unfortunately, wasn't meant to last.
Things started to get ugly when we fired up the propane torch. The wax rippled a bit as the flame approached, and once we were within inches, the paint itself began to bubble. Thinking that the torch was perhaps too intense, we instead tried lighting crumpled newspaper atop the trunk. Despite the delicate application of flame, Liquid Diamond didn't prevent scorching, which was immediate and indelible. In the fume-filled room, we took a break and declared Liquid Diamond had failed its trial by fire.
Next up, an egg. Sure enough, it rolled right off. We were never sure what point the ad proved here—a deterrent to punks pelting your ride con huevos? And rolling away as opposed to what—frying there on the spot like it's your brain on drugs? Mud wasn't much trouble either. And we had made our mix extra soupy.
The thing is, silicone-formulated waxes, of which Liquid Diamond is one, are not hard to come by. If you want a bottle, buy it in person. You'll spend less money and spare yourself the trouble of feeding batteries into Liquid Diamond's much-ballyhooed but totally unnecessary mechanized nozzle.
PM car guru Mike Allen explained the difference between silicone and traditional waxes long ago. If you want a shiny ride without the work these days, he advises a clear-coat-safe wash-and-wax product—we've had particularly good results with EagleOne's Nanowax soap